Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
