so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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