i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
