If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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