planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
