I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
