She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
