he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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