happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
