I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
