Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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