Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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