I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
