im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
