is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
