I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
