I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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