i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
