Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
