everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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