They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
