you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
