She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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