I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
