I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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