fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
