When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
