And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
