I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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