He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
