Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
