There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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