I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
