Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
