Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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