that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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