My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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