I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
