Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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