as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
