I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
