i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
