I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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