Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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