its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
