I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
