JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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