I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
