Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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