I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
