OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
