We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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