I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
