Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
